September 2, 2006

Roy,

Sometimes I miss you so bad.

Sometimes I don't care about you at all because you never seem to care for me at all. You don't write. You don't text much. You take me for granted so sometimes I take you for granted too.

I loved you so much more three years ago than I love you now. Love wanes when it's  not appreciated, not reciprocated.

Sometimes I even wonder if I really love you at all. What are the signs of a person in love? I don't even fit the description. You don't fit the description either. If this isn't love, then what is it?

My days go on without you. Your days go on without me. We live apart, thousands of miles apart.

Sometimes I think of how you will perform in bed and if you will satisfy me.

Sometimes I think of how much I want to please you. Sometimes I want you to have the things I love and cherish. Sometimes I want you so bad.

Sometimes I hold conversations in my head with you.

Sometimes I think of you at night.

Sometimes I want to ignore you completely.

Sometimes I want you in my arms.

Sometimes I wish I could forget you. Sometimes I don't want anything to do with you.

Sometiimes I wish I could make love to you legally in the eyes of God and men.

Sometimes I get eaten up with jealousy over the other girls you e-mail.

Sometimes I wish you'd really tell me what you want from me.

Sometimes I don't want to think of you at all. I hope that would translate into days, weeks, decades, a lifetime.

Sometimes I think that if I give in to your demands, it would be the end of me, the erosion of my core, my soul.

Sometimes I forget you. Sometimes I wish it would be forever. But it isn't the case.

Some days pass by without me thinking of you. And if I do this, I think you do it too. You forget me. You forget me more successfully.

You say you love me but you have a funny way of showing it. You don't call. You don't text much. You don't e-mail me. I don't know where I am in the scheme of things. I don't know my place in your heart. But in my heart of hearts, I know the score. The signs are clear. I have read the writing on the wall.

Sometimes I wish I never met you. Then I wouldn't feel this pain.

This is the naked truth about me.

But sometimes even if I want to forget you I still feel affection for you. I wish I might, I wish I may but I could never forget you.

I wish you'd love me for keeps. for a lifetime. But that would only be a dream and I happen to live in reality.

Luna

Note Bene: This is the heartfelt letter I e-mailed Roy and the very letter which unearthed his duplicity. Eight months after I've wriiten this, I feel fine. Vindication! Authors of the book He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys solidified my gut feel about the matter.Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are great!